The great Chinese Hair-o-nomic Depression

It was a cold Sunday morning, blop… blop water dripping from the tap, vapours raising and splash, I wash my face with a handful of warm water… looking at myself in the mirror, there’s something different, somehow I don’t seem myself… there’s an unusually lot of hair on my head and on my face despite the fact that I haven’t shaved for two weeks. That’s when I realize it’s been over 2 months that I have cropped my hair. I decide to pay a visit to the local barber without the slightest idea of where to go or how they crop or how much it costs.

Locating the details of the nearest saloon, I decide to embark on this adventurous tour in alien-land. It was a pretty cold day and I walked about 2 kms to get to the saloon. On the way I found some saloons also, but wasn’t very sure if they were for hair-cut. All I could see in them were a few chairs, some beds and girls with heavy make-up. Just for the record, it was 8:00 in the morning.

Finally I reached the saloon I had intended to go. It was big, with mirrors rising from the floor in a specific pattern. I never bothered to notice what the pattern was. There were about 4-5 girls dressed in pink skirts and tops and a few punk-looking guys with Mohican hairstyle. I was welcomed inside with incomprehensible Chinese greetings… and taken to a sink! There was a row of sinks and chairs beside each one. I was seated in of them and a girl took my coat and wrapped me with towels. I was little nervous and panicky at this point.

She got a liquid soap and anointed my hair completely and splosh… out of nowhere there’s a bottle of water emptied on my head. Had a clean hair wash and a bit of a head massage. Once it was over I was blindly led to a reclining chair. I had my eyes closed, so again the panicky feeling came through. This time there was no liquid soap but a few bottles of water were emptied on my head, and was blown over by an 1875 Watt, 220 volt, 60Hz 2 heat / 2 speed cool shot 3 position macro hair-dryer … or Whatever!

I was made to sit in front of one of the huge mirrors when I decided to ask it “who is the smartest of them all”, but already knowing the response and what swearing it might give me, I held back. Then came this Mohican-haired punk-looking guy looking like Edward scissor hands (Not hurting Johnny Depp’s emotions), and started working on my hair. It was hardly a minute and he had hardly cut 10% of what I wanted him to do, he said “Done”! I looked at myself in the mirror and asked him for more. It was a complete disaster, there was no pattern in the way he was cutting my hair (neither I have never observed nor have any idea if it’s done in any pattern … but I believe the Indian barbers do) and I realized that once it was done.

I thanked him for having me left with something on my head and before I could pay him the 10 RMB (pretty cheap, eh?), the lady took me to another hair wash and again the panic started. Good that it ended up within a minute and I gladly paid off what I owed and quickly made my way back home!

Babies haven't any hair:
Old men's heads are just as bare;
From the cradle to the grave
Lies a haircut and a shave.
~Samuel Goodman Hoffenstein